Insomnia
by shane.mc
Summary: Oneshot. Usual disclaimers apply.
1. Insomia

**Insomnia**

* * *

><p>"Natsuki…"<p>

The name rolled off her tongue. _Why does that incident keep coming back as a recurring dream? _She looked out of the window at the dark sky. _How long has it been?_ She did a mental tally of the number of years that has passed between them. _Our relationship is nothing more than platonic. I should stop trying to force my feelings on her. Afterall, I'm here to avoid her. _She made a face as that thought crossed her mind. _What a coward I am. _The details of the dream came back to her, as though the incident was yesterday.

-Flashback-

'Ding dong'! The doorbell rang and pattering of feet could be heard.

"Hold on a minute!" a voice called out from behind the closed door.

'Crash'! a string of swear words was muttered as the person behind the door tried to fix the offending object back into its place. "Ah! Finally!"

She smiled. It's so like her to swear at inanimate objects.

"Hello, you're looking for…?"

The words died on her lips as Natsuki saw the person standing at her doorstep.

"Shizuru? What are you doing here at this hour? Shouldn't you be in Tokyo right now?"

She laughed at the comical look on Natsuki's face.

"I happened to be passing this area on my way back to Tokyo so I decided to drop by and see how you are doing."

"Hey pup, who is…"

"HOLY CRAP, what are you doing here?"

"Shut it Nao. Make yourself useful and get lost."

"Yeah yeah. Whatever."

Nao glared at her before walking back into the apartment and into her room, shutting the door behind her.

"Is Natsuki going to invite me in?"

"Oh! My bad. Do come in." Natsuki opened to door a little wider.

"Hey, who is the babe?"

"Argh! Go hit on someone else Sei." Natsuki growled at her housemate as the aforementioned person walked by.

"Relax Natsu, I've got one myself." Sei winked at Shizuru and continued her way back to her room.

"What interesting housemates you have Natsuki. It seems that you're doing well." Shizuru said, her heart ached with the knowledge that she couldn't be there to share this sort of life with Natsuki.

"Well…" Natsuki saw pain flashed in those ruby eyes momentarily and found the floor more interesting. "They are a nice bunch to live with. Though Sei had to separate me and Nao a fair number of times."

"Ara, I believe Natsuki is going to say that it is Yuuki-san who started the disagreements."

Natsuki looked up in wonder as she stole the words out of her mouth.

"How...you….how did…"

The flabbergasted look on Natsuki's face brought out the first real chuckle from her in months.

"You should laugh more often. It's nice."

Almost as though she caught herself for saying what she did, Natsuki excused herself to get drinks. It took all her self-control to not blush and let her jaw drop at the rare compliment that Natsuki had gave her.

"Thanks" she accepted the cup of tea from Natsuki, their fingers brushing and lingering a second too long. _Did she feel the jolt? _She schooled her face into a mask of calmness while her insides start a riot at the contact. _Does she even know that she can affect me so even after so many years?_ Natsuki peered hard at her friend.

"Does Natsuki see something she likes?" she teased.

"Idiot!" a blush invaded Natsuki's face but she continued. "Shizuru, you should take better care of yourself and get sufficient sleep."

_That's the second time she did it. Please, don't make this more difficult than it already is._ "Ara, I'm flattered that Natsuki paid so much attention to me."

Seeing the hard look that Natsuki gave her, she conceded. "I will try to sleep early from now on. Don't worry about me." _I couldn't stay here any longer. If she does something unsuspectingly sweet, I would be back to square one. Making this trip is a mistake. _Looking at her watch, she realized that only a quarter of an hour had passed since she stepped into the apartment. _It's going to look a little bad, but I really have to leave, before my traitorous heart give in. _

"Ara, it seems like I should get going. It's getting late."

Natsuki stood up the same time she did and walked her to the door.

"Do you really need to leave so early?"

"There is a meeting tomorrow which requires my presence. I'll see you soon Natsuki." She opened her bag and looked for her purse. _Dang! Where is it…_she rummaged through her bag. _I must have dropped it in the car when I got a ride from Sagisawa sensei. _

"Is something wrong Shizuru?" concern laced the question.

"Everything is fine. It seems like Natsuki is turning into a worrywart."

"Don't lie. I could tell something is up. Why are you shutting me out?"

_Why is it that you have to make things more difficult than they actually are? Do you know that with each concerned question, with each smile, you send me deeper into the abyss? There is no turning back for me. Everything that you are showing me now, they remind me of the reasons why I fell for you. _

"It seems as though I left my purse in Sagisawa sensei's car when she dropped me off here."

"Give me a minute" Natsuki disappeared into her room and reappeared almost instantly, leaving her no methods of making a quick escape.

"Here, take my card and use it."

"But…I would not have the PIN to use the card."

"I'm going to give it to you."

"Isn't Natsuki worried that I might spend all her money away?" she joked.

"Pft. You have more than enough money to last you for the rest of your life. If you finish off my money, I would just live off you for the rest of my life." Natsuki grinned and stuck her tongue out at her. "Right, the PIN. 219891."

Upon hearing the number, Shizuru nearly lost her control over her facial expression while Natsuki turned red.

"Not a word Fujino."

Moving up and closed the gap between them, she hugged the blushing girl. After a moment of internal struggle, she gave in to her impulse and planted a kiss on the surprised girl's lips.

"Thanks for the card. Just remember, despite the number of years that went by, I still love you. Take care Natsuki."

With that she walked out of the apartment.

-End of flashback-

_Oh why did I do that. Why! If only I was stronger. How time flies. That incident happened a few months ago and a few years before that, I fell for her and I never stopped loving her. Even though her rejection echoes in my head each time I see her. What was it she said? 'I have no idea what to say? I'm flattered that you like me, but I hope we could remain as friends.' I should have expected that. Yet somehow, some part of me is still hoping that she will accept me. What a joke._

Ruby eyes watched as the sky begin to lighten. _A brand new day. _She made her way to the bathroom and freshens up.

"Good morning Otou-san" she greeted her father as she sat down at the dining table.

"Another sleepless night Shi-chin?"

She nodded.


	2. The Other Side of the Coin

**The Other Side of the Coin**

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><p>"OI!"<p>

A finger snapped in front of her face but she continued to stare blankly ahead.

"OI! MUTT!"

A hand shot out and grabbed her shoulder, yanking her backwards.

"What the-?"

'Beeeeppp!' The horn of the truck sounded as it zoomed by.

_Now that is close. I nearly died. What would…_

"What the hell is wrong with you mutt! Do you have a death wish? Are you freaking nuts?"

Natsuki shook her head to prevent herself from continuing her train of thoughts.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"You said something Nao?"

"You will be the death of me. Quit spacing out! It has been months. MONTHS mutt. Get a grip. You have been acting weird ever since Fujino's unannounced visit. Well, weirder than normal."

"Weird? How?"

"You mean you don't even realize it?"

Nao rolled her eyes and smacked Natsuki on her head.

"You know what, I'm washing my hands out of this. Mai can take over. Or maybe Sei can get some sense into you. Or Youko. She could show you the flaw in the logic of your last sentence. How Sei manages to score a woman that intelligent is beyond me. But that is not the point. You, mutt, should get a grip." With that, Nao walked off.

"I'm spacing out and acting weird?"

She mumbled to herself as she made her way back to her apartment.

"_Just remember, despite the number of years that went by, I still love you." _She shook her head to clear it of the echo of the one sentence that has been in her head ever since Shizuru said it a few months ago. _The PIN number..I know I shouldn't have done it. But when they asked me to key in a six digit code for my card, somehow those were the first numbers that popped into my head. Her reaction to it…Was that the real Shizuru? That kiss…_She reached up and touched her lips. It was months ago and she still couldn't believe that Shizuru had kissed her. The incident replayed in her head over and over again. _Someone up there must really don't like me. _She had been dreaming of that one sentence and the kiss ever so often that she loses sleep over it.

Opening the door, she nearly tripped over a beer bottle. _Damn it Nao. How many times do I have to tell that stupid spider to clean up after her parties. Argh! _

'Come what may  
>I won't fade away<br>But I know I might change

Nothing comes easily  
>Fill this empty space<br>Nothing is like it was  
>Turn my grieve to grace<p>

Nothing comes easily  
>When do I regain?<br>Nothing can bring me peace  
>I've lost everything<br>I just wanna feel your embrace'

The mobile phone on the table begins to ring. _Sei left her phone here again. _The lyrics of the ringtone registered and Shizuru's words echoed in her head. "_I still love you"._ _Shizuru. Are you even thinking of me now? That kiss. Why did you kiss me? After so many years, are you really still in love with me? _She recalled the day Shizuru confessed her feelings. It was a typical Tuesday afternoon. Little did Natsuki know that one text message could turn her day upside down and her feelings inside out.

-Flashback-

Bzzzt. Her phone buzzed with a text.

'You have a minute?'

'Yeah. Sure. Physics is boring me to bits. Senior high isn't as fun as you make it out to be Shizuru.'

'Ara, Natsuki is calling me a liar? Just half a year into senior high and Natsuki is finding it annoying already? That is a feat.'

'Gah! Stop teasing me. How is college treating you?'

'So far so good. I just got out of class actually.'

'And the reason you texted me is because?'

'There is something which I need to tell you. Could you give me a ring?'

'Now?'

'If it is possible, yes.'

Natsuki looked up and saw her teacher glaring her way.

'Nah-uh. No way I could pick up the call or call you. You nearly got me into trouble Fujino. The idiot standing in front was glaring at me. Couldn't you just tell me over text?'

'Well then. I never thought I'd ever say this. I goaded Haruka into confessing to Yukino by betting that she would never have the courage to confess her feelings. Who knew Haruka got a little wiser this time and hedge her bet. So for the first time, I lost a bet to her. I think she must be jumping for joy at the fact that she best me for the first time ever. Anyway, her hedge was that if she confessed, I would have too. And though I know the chances are slim and close to none, I like you Natsuki. Very very much. This would probably come as a shock to you seeing how close we were the last couple of years and I have never told you. Now I just hope that you would not freak out and run away. A bet is a bet. I had to show Haruka that the message is in my sent folder before she would believe that I actually did hold up my end of the bargain. Hanging around Yukino is doing wonders for her.'

Her jaw hit the table when she saw the reply and sifted through the ton of padding to find the main point of the text. It hit the table with such a bang that she is surprise that no one turned and looked in her direction. Somehow it feels as though the world had fallen from under her feet. _Shizuru? She..she…she…_ her brain is working overtime as it struggle to come to terms with the situation. _Why me? All this time, I thought she was going out with Kanzaki. _She recalled the times when Shizuru would spend almost every available second with her, skipping meetings in favor of tutoring her in her work. _But isn't that all? _She did hear rumors on the grapevine that there had been talks about the time they were spending with each other. With Shizuru being the president of the student council, no one said much for they all respected her privacy. _Now that I think of it, wasn't there a period of time before she left, her classmates would say things along the lines of: if you're looking for Shizuru, all you need to do is find Natsuki. _

"Kuga-san, would you like to explain to the class how to solve this problem?"

"If I knew how to solve it, things would be great." She mumbled under her breath.

"What did you just said?"

Natsuki looked up and saw that she had accidentally said it out loud. _Thank god he didn't hear that._

"I said, I'm afraid I have no idea how to solve that problem sir."

"That's what I thought. Now pay attention or I will see you in detention."

Giving the teacher a quick nod, she turned back to her current dilemma.

_How am I going to reply her?_

She knew she have to give Shizuru a reply of sorts but she couldn't come up with one.

_How is it that I didn't see it? Was there really something there at all?_

The bell rang for the end of the day. She packed her bag and walked out of the class to her bike on auto-pilot while she racked her brains to come up with an answer. It wasn't until a week later that she finally replied the message.

'I have no idea what to say? I'm flattered that you like me, but I hope we could remain as friends.'

And she never received a reply.

-End of flashback-

_From that day on, things were never the same between us. I should have used a little brain and try to figure out my own feelings before I replied her instead of doing things without thinking them through. It has been so many years and I'm still trying to figure out what is it I feel for her. _Why couldn't things be simpler? _ _She knew Shizuru was avoiding her and she was doing the same, until recently that is. _Well, it takes two to tango._ She mused as she flopped down onto her bed. _Looks like it is going to be another sleepless night._

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><p>AN: this was meant to be a oneshot but i figured, might as well show both sides of the coin. enjoy! ((:<p> 


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